editorial · the lair

Great Expectations 

I’m not touchy.

I’m severely fed up. 

Aren’t you tired of being told who you should be and what you should do and how you should live? 

I’m not just referring to parents or family members, or even friends who “mean well” when they’re asking why you’re not yet married or still studying and working while you “could have had a family by now”.

Has becoming successful (by other’s standards) replaced being content (by your own standards)? 

Have we become.so obsessed with supplying running commentaries on others’ lives that we’ve forgotten that not one journey is similar to another? 

To be honest, I’m irritated by the amount of ignorance going around. In the age of technology we’re supposed the better informed and more connected — if not physically then at least virtually. We don’t have to send pigeons around with little notes asking “how are you?” ; having to wait weeks for a reply. In fact, it has become so simple as sending a text, or checking social media. There are constant updates available. If you care to care. 

Yet, despite all the updates and news,  I find the more ‘imformed’ people are, the more ignorant they become. 

A week ago my sister posted a picture of my mum holding a baby on Facebook. It’s my sister’s friend’s three-month old daughter. My mum and sister visited them and congratulated the new parents. 

I wasn’t ON the photo, nor TAGGED in the photo,  yet more than 5 people congratulated me on finally having a baby. Numerous other comments along the line of “now we enter the age of grandparents” and “lekker ouma” were also added to picture. 

To be honest — I felt harassed. 

People didn’t bother reading the caption (clearly stating that it was Suzanne’s baby) but they deemed themselves involved enough in my life to have an opinion about me. 

I saw this on Instagram earlier today. People keep saying there are not guarantees in life and love, which might be true. But loving for the sake of not being ‘alone’ and then being alone while being together seems a far greater loss than being alone by being by yourself.

I’m not pro-choice, in that I don’t support abortion, but if being a feminist means you get to choose WHO, IF,  and WHEN you marry or have children, then yes — I am a feminist and yes, then I am pro-choice.

[there is much more to be said on this topic]

Frankly, I agree with my friend Sanet’statement from a few days earlier, “the world (and the church) doesn’t want me. They don’t want powerful, independent women because they cannot control them.” 

What right does anyone have to tell you at what age you should get married or should have children or should buy a car or should die? 

If you don’t bother asking me WHY I choose to do and to live as I do, don’t bother ‘advising’ me on what and how I should do and live. 

So yes — maybe I am touchy. Because I have to keep defending myself against things that shouldn’t be necessary to defend. But more than that — I’m fed up. 

Great Expectations? 

Yes. Certainly. But not yours. Mine

So, please excuse me if I leave the room while you debate how many child bearing years I have left.

Excuse me if I leave while you rant and rave about the colour scheme for your wedding.

Excuse me if I don’t care about the new boots you bought for your two-year old. 
Excuse me while you swop out macaroni and cheese recipes. 

It’s not that I’m not happy for you –because I’m really happy that you’re happy — but it’s just that I have bigger fish to fry.


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